Behind the Scenes with J’ammanuel Egnoue: Why I did the frog dance

AFCB special columnist J’ammanuel Egnoue explains Alex Song’s hair and ‘that’ frog dance…

Hola Amigos!

Egnoue here again! It’s been a busy week around Asburton Grove, with two matches. One league match against the vicious thugs of Bolton and another in the champions league against European giants Braga.

Two wins are always a great result and there is one reason why we won these two matches. I was so happy with the Braga win, that on the way home I stopped in at Tesco and bought a giant bottle of white lightning cider to have with dinner that night. Rest assured I was a bit sluggish at training the following day!

I’ve had some mail during the week. The first one is from Daniel Snaith, an Arsenal supporter from North London.

Dear Mr. Egnoue,

I saw you doing a strange warm up routine during the Braga match. Sort of like a frog jump on the sideline. What was all that about?

Yours truly,
Daniel Snaith

Well Daniel, thanks for writing in. Indeed, I’ve had a few letters about that particular incident. It wasn’t a warm-up per se, I was actually practising for a forthcoming movie role in which I play the part of “Large Frog”. It is inspired by that 1980s arcade game called ‘Frogger’. You know, where that game where a little frog has to cross a busy street without getting run over, and then take on a stream with logs and alligators?

I’m starring opposite Kate Winslet, who plays a role as an alligator. Mickey Rourke has been cast as an irate taxi driver. It’s being directed by Guy Ritchie, who did that awesome film ‘Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels’ from a few years back.

So, why was I doing this during the match? Well, I’ve been a bit pressed for time recently, and I really have to practise my frog jumping. I was waiting to come on, and thought, ‘Hey, why the hell not just practise now?’ Seems a bit strange, but there was a perfectly rationale explanation!

Dear J’ammanuel

What the hell is going on with Alex Song’s hair?

Faithfully,
Victoria Beckham

Oh, yes. There have been some questions in the media about Alex’s hair. It’s a bit weird eh? Even stranger than Bac’s! Well, there is an explanation.

Within the Arsenal camp, it is well known that Alex Song, along with Johann Djourou are big fans of Dragonball Z. I think Song is so obsessed with it that he thinks that the more he resembles Goku, the more likely he is to achieve the Super Saiyan ability, and be able to simply blast away the opposition. I was skeptical at first, but it may be working! He scored a great goal against Bolton. And I think it had everything to do with his hair. You’ll note that after he scored, I jumped down on the ground and touched my head to Alex’s. I was trying to channel some of that legendary Saiyan ability!

On the Song news front, be on the lookout for Alex’s upcoming record he is doing with Cypress Hill. It’s called ‘Hits from the Song’.

Dear Mr. Egnoue

Are you really actually Emmanuel Eboue?

Regards,
Endrei Marshavin

Yes Endrie, I really am J’ammanuel Egnoue.

That’s all I have time for this week, unfortunately. I’m behind on my chicken dance practise and I also have to brush up on my Korean.

Right now it’s time to feed the Panthers.

Love,
J’ammanuel

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